On our first wedding anniversary, I was freshly graduated from college. We were still very poor, working off debt. We hardly ever went out to eat, but we decided that with our first anniversary it was time to celebrate. Perhaps we could splurge and go to a cheap burger joint, maybe even share a soda.
We went to a cute little place called the Hearthside in Rutland Vermont. Expecting perhaps a $15 dollar a plate kind of restaurant. It was a special occasion, and we were excited to celebrate. We were seated and red flags began to go up when Hors doeurves were placed on our table before we were handed menus. I started to suspect this might be a little more than the burger joint I was used to. No matter, we could afford $20 a plate, it was our anniversary after all! I opened the menu and my eyes swept over the prices to the right of the menu items. The prices were higher than any restaurant I had ever dared to step foot in. I looked across the table at my husband who was pearing over the menu back at me. With fear in his eyes as he appeared to be calculating what the evening was going to cost us.
Many couples might have taken the high road and said it wasn’t worth it to pay a bill that was equal to a week’s groceries for our meager income. But not us, Andrew looks at me, and he goes
“You only live once.”
What would people think if we stood up and left? They might think we couldn’t afford such prices! They might think we were just a couple stupid kids just out of college! So, we both picked the cheapest thing on the menu we possibly could and drank water because we were too proud to leave.
Pride can be costly at times.
That was twenty-one years ago this week. Happy anniversary to us! We have been across continents, through four kids, many arguments, many frustrating nights. At times it was hard because working without any mentor in Ukraine, I sometimes felt like I had no advocate when we fought, but we have never forgotten this lesson.
Pride is costly.
Pride is not something to be proud of.
We have helped many other couples through their problems, and often it comes down to the same thing. Pride. It’s hard to put down your pride, especially when you were right. Many children, marriages, families, homes, check books and bank accounts have been sacrificed on the same altar.
Outside of marriage, wars have been fought over pride and monarchies overthrown.
Pride is costly. But
Love is patient and kind; Love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant. 1 Corinthians 13:4
Patience, kindness, humility these are the glue that have held us together. What does it cost you to lay down your pride?
the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. 1 John 2:16
And that is why pride makes everything so messy, because it is not from the God, but from the world.
Over dinner conversation a few nights ago, one of our boys asked, “Why did Eve have to go and mess it all up?” If she had not been so dumb, we would not have to deal with all this pride and sin, and redemption stuff. What if we could still be there with God in the garden? (They apparently do not think they would have been the ones to eat the fruit and bring about the cosmic shift that Eve caused when she bit that apple.)
Many of us have asked the same question. When Eve saw the fruit in the garden, she saw that it was different from all the other fruits. It appealed to the lust of the flesh: When the women saw that the tree was good for food. If you compare the verse mentioned above 1 John 2:16 to Genesis 3:6 and you might see something interesting.
The lust of the flush: The woman saw that the tree was good for food
The lust of the eyes: and a delight to the eyes
And the pride of life: And that the tree was desired to make one wise.
She took of its fruit and ate. Genesis 3:6
In a metaphorical sense, we have all partaken of the fruit. We have all had our own metaphorical tree. And we have all participated in one way or another in these three.
And one of the casualties of pride is our relationships with those we love. So not only does it cost us a relationship, but it also costs us eternity.