Even though I have just completed my forty-third trip around the sun (which is code for “I am old”) I am not going through a midlife crisis; let’s just call it a midlife reaction. Anyway, I thought it appropriate to bore you with reflections of my long and arduous journey in life (just joking). I am sure I am making all those reading this, who knew me as a kid, feel positively ancient, but have no fear, I have not yet developed an addiction to Metamucil!
Many things that are a part of my childhood are never experienced by children today. My kids don’t understand wrapping tinfoil around the antennae to get a better signal. Saturday morning cartoons are a thing of the past. I recently saw an instructional youtube video teaching young people to learn how to read the newspaper. I remember thinking how advanced we were in college when we got to turn in our assignments on the hard version of a floppy disc!
I am at an age where I have begun to experience the phenomenon that I am recognized as the ‘responsible adult in the room’, which makes me feel uncomfortable. Our kids already have plans to exploit senior discounts to their own advantage when we become eligible.
Apparently, whoever determined what a Sagittarius’ would be (of course everyone born that month has the identical personality), must have been starting their 12 days of Christmas vacation on the December 14th. I discovered I share a birthday with Nostradamus and Sulaiman Abu Ghaith (The Al Qaeada spokesman) and a number of people who I feel no connection with. However, for better or worse, they are on lists because they have left some mark on the world.
Growing older can be a terrifying thing for some. In an attempt to leave my own mark on the world, I have begun trying to do some new things, I began writing books (so far unpublished) and then blogging. Trying to improve my literary skills, I even went back to the classroom and took a course at a local college. While there, I didn’t just learn better grammar; I also learned how old I am. One class exercise divided the class to be divided into groups where we read our essays to each other in order to be critiqued. My young classmates responded to my essay in a pandering way, as they didn’t want to be the one to tell the nice old lady in class that this essay needed to be improved. I ended up having to turn to the assistant teacher for an unbiased criticism that would actually hone my abilities.
So many times our selves are at war with ourselves, Our past self, looked to the future and put so much confidence in our future self. Now present me is looking back and trying to tell past me, “There is no way you could have ever accomplished all those goals and plans you made!” Present me thinks past me had a very exaggerated idea of her abilities, since she had no clue what effort these things would take. Present me sometimes feels like a failure that we didn’t do ________ or that we didn’t accomplish __________ that we had planned on doing by 35 years old. Maybe I heard too many religious people misuse the words of Paul when he said:
I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. (Phil 4:13)
He never intended the 90’s style motivational poster that suggested that I could physically accomplish whatever goal I set. What he intended was that regardless of where I end up in life, with Christ’s ability I could be satisfied with the person I become and the circumstances I find myself in. I don’t need to be so hard on myself, because I can’t do it all. Maybe it’s time to empty out bucket list and fill it with new objectives. I can’t tell you what to put in your bucket, but I can share a few things that I am still learning.
I memorized the priorities of ‘God takes first place in your life, and family second’, but it sometimes fails to have deep impact, practically. I am frequently upset at the pile of dishes, or the messy living room, or the pile of laundry that is probably covering 7 things I can’t find right now. I am learning to have a greater appreciation for the fact that when I come to the end of my life, those things won’t matter. I need to do what is important. Maybe a messy room doesn’t bother you (it doesn’t seem to bother my teens). Maybe you have another priority that is not really vital. In time, we should come to place those in perspective.
Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might, for there is no work or thought or knowledge or wisdom in the grave – Ecclesiastes 9:10
The other thing I’m learning is that past me didn’t have the right vision on everything. Some of those goals I set were well intentioned at the time, but in not accomplishing things that I planned, I have done things that I never imagined. Sometimes I need to be encouraged to take a step (Currently I am pursuing another one of these big changes, but I will share it if it turns out), and other times I have the self determination to put one foot in front of the other and do something new.
Taking life by the knitting needles and running with it, and I’ll see you at the next bingo championships in a few years.