A Saturday Evening Post

One thing that has always been hard for me to do is remember that God has an aerial view of our accomplishments while we don’t see beyond our trenches.  I don’t want to make it sound like I didn’t notice rewards, because there were so many, but looking back now, there were times when it was difficult to feel and see the impact of the work we started.  I can now praise God for the lives that are being changed because of the church, but that wasn’t what I felt then.

The one who hears you, hears me, the one who rejects you, rejects me, and the one who rejects me rejects him who sent me. Luke 10:16

Often I see, even now, how much people need the message of Christ. It’s so hard to see someone you love hurting and so you gather all your courage together to share your faith with them, only to have that person belittle you. Sometimes I felt like a dead carcass spread over the rocks for the vultures to pick at my flesh. We can know what Jesus said, but we still tend to take rejection personally.

                People stateside would send letters and often told us they were praying for us. It’s not for lack of thought or effort that missionaries you know might be lonely. It is just pouring yourself out for others all the time that leaves you feeling kind of dry.

                Sometimes, Sunday morning was a pretty small group. Wednesday nights were even smaller. There were even times that we got packed up to go to church, only to find our translator, and return home. Ukrainian people felt social pressure that we didn’t feel, and sometimes their priorities were different. Sometimes I sat in church and my heart cried. Despair and feelings of rejection were real.

I remember, spending long hours studying with one couple, paying for taxis to transport them to church and Bible studies, Helping pay for doctor’s visits to help them with health issues they had. We thought we were having an impact on them after bending over backward to help them for two years. It was about this time that laws changed in Ukraine, requiring us to maintain a legal address in Ukraine owned by Ukrainian citizens. It seemed like a nice thing that they were doing when they offered us their address to process our visas, after all, It was only an address on a piece of paper. It didn’t cost them anything but it was a huge help to us. About a week later they came to us and told us we were going to have to pay them rent for using their address. Three times what we paid for our own rent! We had simply become a cash cow for them.

 I stood in my kitchen with my hands in the soapy dishwater, and all I could do was sing through the tears, a song by a Christian band ‘Mercy me.’

                “Gotta keep singing, gotta keep praising your name”

                It was the only words I knew. At that time in my life, these lyrics were the word picture I used to define my life as a song of praise to God. Sometimes, I didn’t know if I still had a song. I understood the sacrifice the widow made that only had two mites to give, but it was hard to feel it. All I could bring to the altar was myself. But Jesus said:

                “It is enough”

                It is enough because you gave all you had.

                I know people can feel the same anywhere. It doesn’t require a mission field. In fact you don’t even have to be a minister or minister’s wife. Rejection is hard. But that isn’t what God sees. When you come before God, feeling alone, remember you still aren’t coming to the altar empty-handed because you brought yourself.