Every one of us has been upset at someone, so I know you’ll identify. Once, I was so angry with someone, I remember as we were driving out of town, and I was thinking,
“I don’t care if I ever see that person again!”
I fumed in the car as we drove out of town which is the worse because there is no place to go, and it just smolders. Shortly, we pulled into a gas station and my eyes settled on the license plate of a nearby car. It had three letters and three numbers on it. The three letters were the initials of that person I was planning to harbor bitterness toward for the rest of my life, and the three numbers? Four, Nine, Zero.
Then Peter came to Him and said “Lord, how often shall by brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times? Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven”
– Matthew 19:12
Seventy times seven is exactly four hundred ninety. Ouch.
At first, It feels so good to hold on to bitterness. We think we are really going to hurt that other person. We have such an insatiable desire for revenge.
Here are some things that no one has ever said:
“This bitterness really makes me a better person,” or, “I notice that I have so many more friends now that I’m obsessed with anger,” and my personal favorite “Not letting go really improves my overall health!”
As it relates to the last point, according to https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/forgiveness-your-health-depends-on-it harboring bitterness keeps your body in a fight or flight mode, which results in higher blood pressure and effects your heart rate, and even your immune response. The victim falls into depression and can have complications with heart disease or diabetes.
I recently spoke with my sister who works as an emergency responder In Washington. She said recently, she was in her ambulance, in a parking lot, which is where they wait until they get a call. While they sat there, a woman approached the ambulance, complaining of heart related symptoms and requested to have her blood pressure taken. My sister had her sit down while she got her blood pressure cuff, and the woman began to tell her about things she was going through that were causing frustration and anger. The woman’s blood pressure was 250, more than double what is considered a healthy level. Her anger was putting her in danger of having a stroke!
Forgiveness is a process. It isn’t natural, but it is necessary for a Christian. The term forgive or forgiveness occurs sixty-one times in the Bible, and it’s not really optional if we want to be forgiven:
But if you do not forgive men their trespasses neither will your father forgive you. – Matthew 6:15
so here are a few things to help you as you get started
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. – Ephesians 4:32
There are a lot of ways people do this. You can begin by journaling your feelings. When you write down your emotions it helps you to get a lot of that initial bitterness, hate, anger out of your system, and you are free to organize your thoughts.
Some aren’t writers and choose to pray for the person they are angry with. Both are a good idea.
And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. – Matthew 6:12
Or you may try to imagine the things that contributed to that person doing what they did. Empathizing with them will make forgiveness much easier.
Bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if any man has a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so you do also. – Colossians 3:13
Obviously, none of these are a replacement for reconciling with the person face to face, but in extreme situations it may be what gets you on the right path. You may not be able to forgive immediately. Maybe that’s why Jesus set such a high number for forgiveness; you might have to forgive over and over and over. If you keep putting that bitterness at the feet of Jesus, you’ll eventually leave it there when you recognize how good it feels to be without it.
Have you ever thought that Jesus statement is unfair? Sometimes it seems like the things I want to be forgiven of aren’t as ‘bad’ as the things that I don’t want to forgive others for – almost like I have a right to hold on to it
“Father forgive them for they do not know what they do.” Luke 23:34
Jesus asked for the Father’s forgiveness while hanging on the cross in excruciating pain. And he was thinking about those people that put him there, already forgiving them.
Christian author, Lewis Smedes wrote extensively about forgiveness. Here is a famous quote of his:
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
