Lisa is an old friend from the church in Vermont. Her last son was born about the same time as my first. Like a big sister, she guided me through that first perilous year of having a baby when we didn’t know much about child development. Her last son is now engaged. All four have not only made Jesus Lord of their lives, but they are also each involved in ministry in different shapes and forms. I thought perhaps some of her insights might bring some perspective to young parents as they strike out into the harrowing world of parenting.
Life at the helm
It’s a privilege to write for Katie’s blog, thank you for asking. Hopefully these will be encouraging thoughts. John and I started raising our four children in the 90’s. Today, so much has changed, but much is still the same. Currently, all four of our children are serving Christ at various congregations in the Lord’s Church, and we are thankful. How did this happen? Well, God was good to us, seriously, we are thankful for Him working in our children’s lives.
Unity
John and I made observations and asked questions of other families that had been successful raising their kids to love God, and we decided what we would practice in our home. It was a team effort on both our parts, and that is so important to be working together. Your kids need to see Dad and Mom present a united front, not working against one parent to get their way from another parent. This isn’t always easy, but it’s worthwhile. I won’t name names, but one child tried to get Dad to say yes, after Mom had already said no. When they were caught, they got a double punishment for trying to manipulate the situation. Hopefully, scrubbing two toilets would help them learn.
Sincerity
John and I really tried to be sincere in our love for Christ and his church. Children will see right through hypocrisy, they see much more than they will ever say, so just don’t be two faced. Walk the talk, it’s vital for your children’s spiritual growth. We also tried to shield them from the problems in the church when they were kids, because we wanted them to have the best view of the Lord’s church and his people.
When it came to our personal convictions or values, we always gave them reasons why we believed it – we didn’t just tell them “Because we told you so”. They are smarter than you think. They could share what they thought with us, even if they disagreed, if they were respectful. Talking about values is very important. Hopefully, you can talk with your kids about anything, even the hard topics.
Humility
We also practiced repentance and forgiveness. If we lost our temper or yelled, or said something we shouldn’t, we would come back later and apologize. We weren’t interested in maintaining the perfect father/mother image. We need grace and mercy too, just like them. What better way to teach this to them, than by modeling it in our own daily life. Have no fear, it didn’t cause them to lose respect for us when we admitted we were wrong.
We tried to fill their minds with the Bible, reading stories to them from infancy, listening to great music for kids about the Bible, listening to Your Story Hour and Adventures in Odyssey at home and on road trips. Hardly any videos or screen time for them, but lots of listening and reading. We had them memorize Scripture regularly, knowing that their brains can take in so much and it will stick with them well into old age.
Faith
It is a common misconception today that it’s the church’s job to in still in faith in our children. It is dad and mom’s job to disciple & encourage our children to taste and see that the Lord is good. Then, the church comes alongside and supports your work at home.”
Are you discipling your children to love Jesus? Remember the great commission in Matt. 28? Jesus told us to make disciples of all nations, but this applies in our home first and foremost.
Another thing we did; we had our children serve at the church with us. If we were cleaning the church building-they were going to be there cleaning as well. We volunteered for various activities, and our kids did as well. We always listened to their input about things that were going on among the church family. Kids have some great ideas if we listen to them.
When our kids earned money even when they were young, we taught them the principle of give, save, and spend, long before we heard Dave Ramsey share this same idea. We told them that God comes first and that includes with our money. I can still remember my son, Nathan, out in the huge parking lot in Vermont, shoveling the snow with his dad on the walkways. He wanted to help and did it willingly.
If you put your time, energy, & money into something, it becomes more important to you. I think this is why our kids are still serving Christ today. They have been investing in the Lord’s kingdom from a very early age.
Take care, Lisa
Good thoughts. I really appreciate what you said about humility. I think this is very important in raising children but we don’t always realize it.