My kids know the word for ice cream in four languages. Sometimes you might want to say something to another adult, such as suggesting ice cream, without the kids getting excited until you have agreed that there will actually be ice cream. To navigate this issue in our household we began by describing it;
‘Cold, milky, sweet substance,’ for example.
It didn’t take too long for our son who was three at the time to pick up on what that meant. So we switched to referring to it with the Russian word for ice cream. This was probably his first word in Russian. He stored the information away quickly and we were surprised to find the next time we said it in Russian he understood us. So we had to switch to the Chinese (Mandarin) word for ice cream, ’bing chi ling’, until that was found out, and then, finally, the Italian ‘gelatto’.
If you are bilingual you know how nice it is to speak a language others can’t understand so you can address your kids or say something to your significant other without offending locals. While living in Ukraine, I utilized this advantage all the time.
We often had to travel to Poland to renew visas. Buses and train schedules were never synchronized so that we could transition easily. So travel always meant waiting for long hours till our scheduled departure. Sometimes we waited in a cafe. Sometimes a “sleeping room” was provided for at the train station for a small fee. With little kids, having to wake up at odd hours, and missing nap times, these rooms were a welcome parking spot for us.
One time in particular, we were traveling with all four of our children, so our oldest must have been about ten, and our youngest still rode in our stroller. It was winter and we were tired. I always hated the train station, it felt disease-ridden and unsanitary. Kids crawl on the floor, drop their crackers and pick them up and eat them. My kids sought out the nastiest things to touch, like bugs attracted to a beacon, and whatever they found was invariably going to end up in their mouths.
We arrived at the train station at night. Our train didn’t leave till around 11:00 and I was grouchy. I tried to levitate in these places, keeping all the kids on their feet, and not touching anything other than their sippy cups and snacks we brought with us. Near our seats was another woman traveling with her own brood of children. Bored travelers, I knew our children would soon be playing with them. They lacked good personal hygiene, and my germ radar was already on high alert. I began carefully directing my kids in English to be kind, but careful not to touch them or let them touch any of our snacks or toys.
I told my kids the reason for my caution “They are dirty”. Of course, I was forgetting my own disheveled state. Obviously, I thought I was safe from offending the woman as I spoke to my kids in our secret English ‘code’.
She surprised me when she began to speak to me in clear, perfect English! She had understood every cruel word I said! She didn’t mention my harsh comments, but she didn’t need to. I felt the weight of those words in my guilty conscience.
God taught me an important lesson that day. She was such a sweet lady, and I enjoyed my conversation with her immensely. Even though I had been so rude, she responded with kindness. She had learned English on her own, just from pure determination. She had no English tutoring aside from the inadequate teaching she received in school. From the time she was a little girl she watched English movies and read everything in English she could get her hands on. She just loved the language, and talking with a native speaker for her was a moment she never dreamed would be a reality, and a judgmental Christian was the first opportunity she had to communicate.
If she looked differently, I might have treated her with more respect. I was caught judging her based on her appearance.
The Lord said to Samuel:
Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature because I have rejected him for the Lord sees not as man sees. Man looks on the outward appearance but the Lord looks on the heart. – 1 Samuel 16:7
Samuel saw a stinky teenage shepherd boy, but God saw a king.
In this case, her kindness allowed us to have a conversation, and perhaps had we the time or different circumstances, we could’ve developed a relationship. She could have just as easily been so hurt by my comments that she never said anything. I would have gone on thinking the ‘code’ had worked, and wouldn’t have realized the pain I caused. I’ve wondered how many people I have blown off? Body language or expressions communicate a whole lot more than we want them too. Sometimes we are offended easily, or we come to conclusions because of a preconceived judgement of someone. Or we might just be in a bad mood. I wonder how many people might have been open to a conversation about meaningful subjects that I have turned off without knowing it?