A Saturday Evening Post

A few weeks ago, I shared a testimony of a woman whose patience in a marriage with a non-Christian paid off, but what about those times, when you faithfully follow the recipe, but it doesn’t turn out like the picture in your mind and you are forced into ‘plan B’? This is the story of a long time friend of mine, Abbi:

   I was born into a family with Christian parents who love Jesus, and truly live out their faith. I was blessed with a very happy childhood. I was home-schooled with my 5 siblings.  Though we certainly messed up from time to time and needed discipline, my childhood is what we would all hope for.

At the age of 14, I was convicted of my need to die to my old life and be buried with Christ in baptism, have my sins washed away and rise to walk a new life with the Holy Spirit inside of me. I publicly made the confession of my need and I was baptized.

   God kept working in my life to help me grow in my faith. One day I was singing and playing the old hymn “I’d Rather have Jesus” at the piano when the words really hit home to me, I wept through the words;

 “I’d Rather Have Jesus than men’s applause, I’d rather be faithful to His dear cause… I’d rather have Jesus than anything this world affords today.”

I appreciated the applause of people in my music, but at this time I decided that no matter what, it was Jesus and following Him that mattered in my life. Now, what I did would be to glorify Him. I have never been perfect but I made the decision early and that has been the road I have tried to stick to.

    In Bible college, I was blessed with knowledge, as well as friendships I gained. Many of those friends still encourage me in my walk with Jesus. Ken was also attending the school. I was impressed by his passion for God’s word, his prayerful life and desire to lead others to Jesus. He fit all the criteria that I was looking for in a mate, and so after much prayer and seeking God’s leading, we were married in December of 1998. A little over 9 months later, our daughter, Maranatha, was born.

 My senior year, I felt my faith solidified when Ken and and I had the opportunity to lead another couple to Christ. I was excited and inspired for my future with this wonderful man. We were young and energetic and leading others to Jesus despite our own youth. What more did God have in store for us?

   We moved to Kansas to help plant a church in 2000. I was soon pregnant with our second child. Ken confided that he felt depressed at times. I noticed, but didn’t know what to do. I didn’t see much change; he still seemed passionate for God. One day, he came home and told me he didn’t think he was going to heaven; his faith was gone. God wasn’t listening to him and he wasn’t going to pretend any more. I was in shock, I was terrified. This was not what I signed up for. I had “done everything right” in looking for a spouse. Our whole marriage was based on serving God together, what would happen now? How was I going to raise our children to love Jesus if their dad didn’t?

One Sunday morning attending Sunday school the teacher shared statistics on the probability of kids loving Jesus and being involved in church when they are older. Even if both parents are Christians, the statistics weren’t good. A lot of kids don’t remain faithful into their adulthood. If it is just the dad influencing them to follow Jesus it was yet worse and if it was just the Mom the statistics were horrible. I was devastated. How was I going to do this?  We went home and that afternoon I had quite the talk with God. I acknowledged that I couldn’t do this. If our children turned out to love Jesus and follow Him, it wasn’t going to be through my power. I just gave it all over to God. I realized that He loved my children (the one born, the one in my womb and the ones still to come) far more than I ever would and I trusted that He would work in their lives.

 At Ken’s suggestion, we moved to be near my family. For many years we lived the American dream – Two more little ones were added to our family. Ken very successfully ran his own business, and I was blessed to homeschool our children and be very involved at church and in our community. Our marriage wasn’t perfect, but we had a happy home and we had good times together even though we didn’t have the same foundation. One year when I was really struggling with loving Ken the way I should I started spending time each day writing down reasons I was thankful for him. That helped so much with my outlook. There is a reason that God tells us to give thanks in all circumstances.

In 2020 Ken decided that he wanted to sell his business. He started rethinking all of life and decided the business wasn’t the only change he wanted. We had a different focus in life and he no longer wanted to be married to me at all. There were quite a few months that fall that seemed like life was completely in limbo as we tried marriage counseling and I prayed like crazy for God to heal our marriage. However, God doesn’t force people to do what is right- we each have free will. I remember well the night in December that Ken told me for sure that he was going to go through with divorce. He had already moved down to the basement the month before so that night I went up to my lonely bed and I just poured my heart out to God.  I woke up many times throughout the night – each time I woke I felt the overwhelming presence and love of God. He has been so near ever since. I have never ever realized before this time just how wonderful it was to be part of the body of Christ.  People all over this country and beyond; people I didn’t even know, were praying and fasting for Ken and me. I felt surrounded by the family of God.  

As I mentioned at the start, the statistics are stacked against moms trying to raise their children to be faithful. I am pleased to say all four of my children ages 16-23 continue to love and serve Jesus. This was not my doing; God sent many Christians to pour into my children’s lives in powerful ways. God deserves all the praise.

And then, after Ken left, people even blessed us financially (anonymously and otherwise).  And though those days were hard, God was so very near. The prayers of the saints were heard. They weren’t answered in quite the way I hoped, but I have learned to truly pray through my day. I wake up praying, asking Him to work in me through His Spirit that day and I go to bed praying. Though I would have never chosen to go through this journey willingly, I am so thankful that I did.

  In July of 2021 my kids and I went out to Nationwide Youth Roundup for the first time. It was a really neat experience for all of us to be with that large of a group praising God and growing in our relationship with Him up on the mountainside. The theme song that year was “The Goodness of God”. I love that song and I completely agreed with the message of it intellectually, but at that time, I was struggling to “feel” it. Saying those words out loud, over and over, melted my heart. I had struggled with the fact that, even though I sought God’s guidance as whether to marry Ken or not, He had not stopped me, even though He knew the future. There have been some rough patches, but those are what have brought me the closest to God. God can work in my brokenness. He is truly good!

   I struggled with worry about finances after Ken left. Ken was always the main income source in our home while I homeschooled. I taught music lessons and had a small wedding flower business, but this wasn’t enough to provide for our needs. Ken paid child support and alimony but that was a lot less than we were used to and that would end soon. The divorce was final in September of 2021, and 2022 continued to test me. The hard drive on my computer crashed and the data for my business was not retrievable. My washer quit, my stove had a fire in it and a biking accident limited my movement. We had septic problems that ran up a $6000 bill by spring.

             I was left feeling like things were just a bit unfair. This was overwhelming to me, Ken always dealt with ‘techy’ problems. he would have made the septic problems go away. We didn’t always have a wonderful marriage, but he would have taken care of these things and now they fell to me.

             It took a few times, but I soon realized God truly was taking care of us and providing for us. When the plumber called to warn me that the new bill was going to be in the thousands I just said “Okay”. That evening I received an e-mail from my tax preparer saying that I was getting a much bigger return (a lot more than the plumbing bill) on my taxes than I had anticipated. In 2021 and 2022 Abbi’s Bridal Design had the best years ever, I got a part time job as a florist and my boss gave me a 43% raise. My schedule for teaching music lessons grew to busting at the seams and my kids and I started an AirBnB. I have never had a fuller schedule, but it is all stuff I enjoy, and I am so thankful for the work that God has blessed me with. So even with all those trials a year after the divorce our bank account was better off than it had been before.

God had and continues to amply provide. He is so good, and we can always trust Him! He is faithful!! Life is truly beautiful when we walk with Him.